New Year. So What?

What You Think I Am, That's What I'm Not

The worst part of drinking is not the morning after part; otherwise known as 'hang-over' (I very rarely get them so it is not a problem for me). And the worst part isn't even you vomiting and laying in your own sick because you are too fucking drunk to get you sorry ass from the pool of vomit. And it is not even the bruises which are a record of the number of time you fell, tripped or bang you body against object you cannot remember. It is not even when you let your friends clean up after you and treat you like a kid. The worst part is waking up and feeling the memories flow back to you. The want to hide under the duvet and never come out because you are too embarrassed is the worst part of getting pissed.

Yet, despite all of that and despite vowing numerous times after throwing up that i will never drink again: I still do drink. Why? Well... it kind of hard to explain. I guess until you get drunk yourself, there is no other way to understand why some people like that feeling. However, there is drink once or twice every three months and then there is getting drunk everyday.

Now, let me talk about something else because it most definitely sound like an alcoholic. I love music. But I can't be bothered to write one of those long aimless entries. Instead I think I'm going to listen to some music, which I haven't done for a while.

The Lamp Above My Head Is Shining

I has a genius idea today. Now, all I need to make it work is concentration, hard work and a lot of help from someone who will not help me. Oh, and I also need a miracle, luck and some other things which I do not have. In other words, my little day dream I had for few hours today has disappear and the reality has hit my hard on the face.

I hate reality. Maybe because I spend majority of my days trying to avoid it.

Ladder To Go Down

Isn't extremely fascinating how someones mood can change in the space of few hours! How does our minds work to produces this change? How can a person go from a happy bunny to an angry and moody goat in just few hours or in some cases minutes? Does our bodies release special hormones due to certain events or incidents that take place within the space of time that the changes occur? Does it always have to be an actual happening for this release to take place? Or can memories or thoughts have the same effect?

If only I knew the answers to these questions. If I knew the reason why people experience sudden and unnecessary mood swings, I would try and help them. I would try and most definitely do every I can to prevent them having mood alterations. If I knew the answers to these questions then I would go and create an antidote for it. Because there is nothing more I hate about people then their sudden change in mood. Everyone gets mood swings. Some people get them more often then others. However, I can't go hating everybody. Including myself.

There is something else fascinating that I came across today. Isn't interesting how reading some one's blog can inspire a person to resume their position as a regular blogger. Thank you, Honey. Also, I discovered that staying up and just talking through the powerful thing that is Internet, till 4 am can be fun. Well... knew that already. Still, it's always nice to know that there are people who are willing to stay up and just talk for hours. That, or they have nothing better to do with their life. Either way, it's a change from talking to still object which do not respond.

Just in case I loose my memory or become very forgetful any time soon, I thought I should mention things that made my laugh, cry or express other sort of emotion today. Maybe, this could become a usual part of my entry. Anyway, today I kicked a dog in the head. And before the RSPCA burns down my house, start sending me threatening letters and hold a protest against me for cruelty against animals, I like to say that this was just a very stupid accident. I did not see the dog. As I was getting of the bus, I was walking towards the pavement and a woman walked past me and I was looking straight ahead of me so I didn't see that she was walking her dog right beside her. So... ermm...yeah.. I kicked the dog with my knee. And then I tried walking as fast as possible to get aways from that woman. I didn't even look back just in case she started screaming at me for beating up her dog. It wasn't even a pretty dog.

Isn't it funny? Actually, I don't find it funny anymore.

By the way, originally this entry was much longer. Sooo much longer. But due to my dysfunctional computer or as I like to describe it: the source of my depression; the tsunami that keeps fucking up everything that requires the use of the computer; the old and in need of retirement technical device once called the PC. I think every soon I will be forced to used a permanent marker and write on my forehead: "GET ME A NEW COMPUTER" so my parents get the message. Obviously, telling them the same fucking thing fives times everyday is not enough.

Nothing Is What It Seems

Hello, says I who has not been blogging for a while. I feel like a little girl who has done something naughty and is now tyring to explain herself to her parents. But to be honest, I never explained myself to my parents; not when I was little and especially not now. Instead, I used to run away from them and hide for hours and when I used to come back they would be not as mad as they were before. I wish I could run away now. And just hide. Not care about the consequences. Loose myself in time.

Anyway... I don't really have much to say and I believe if a person has nothing to say then that person shouldn't say anything.