Long Time Coming, Long Time Losing

It has been a while since I've been here. Well, it's not like anyone missed it. Although, I've missed it. And that's all that matters. Because at the end of the day; when it goes down to it; when the bells start ringing and the light strats shining, it's me by myself. And no matter how many so called friends you have or how many people will stand beside your grave, bowing their heads: you are alone.

I want to write something that would make me go 'wow' after I read it again months or years later. I haven't written anything alike for a while. In fact, I can't even remember last time I wrote something wow-ish. Maybe it's the lack of inspiration. Or maybe I just moved on from that place.

The truth is that I have moved on. I'm both happy and sad for this movement. I'm happy to get rid of the fucked up feeling of loneliness and inability to breath and live or proceed and do anything useful in my life. I am glad to once again see the sunshine through my window and not close my eyes to block it and prevent the pain from expending. I am glad to smile and mean it. I am happy to feel happy and not be scared for the feeling to go away. And most of all, I am glad to enjoy the rare split seconds of happiness; make the most of it and laugh as loud as possible instead of trying to hold on to the precious possessions and while doing so forget to make the most of it.

Yet, I'm sad because when you get used to something, whether it's a feeling, thing or a person, it is hard to get used to its absents. I miss walking down the street and looking at the shittiest, boring and the most not inspirational thing there, like a broken metal fence and seeing so much beyond it. I miss standing in a platform, waiting for my train to pull in and feeling the wind whisper sweet nothings to me. I miss writing without realised I am doing it; writing for hours and only stopping when my fingers can not go on any longer or the ink runs out. But most of all, I miss the things that I never had.