I Got A Soul, But I'm Not A Soldier
"Self-destruction" is the word circulating my mind today. Thinking of ways to hurt myself is not how I send my average day. Longing for the rain to wash away my frustration. Waiting for the wind to clear my mind.
As I probably mentioned few times before, something happened within me, not long ago. But as I also mentioned, I knew it will not last forever. Well, as heart-breaking as it sounds, I was right. The peace within my soul; the order of my mind: it's gone. Lost in the past. I'm back to where I started. Square one.
When you are struggling to find a reason to wake up in the morning. When you looking for an 'OFF' button to switch off your mind. When all you want to do is stop thinking and sleeping is the only comfort you ever get (you don't have to think while you're asleep). There is no one beside you. Holding your hand and leading you through the tunnel. To find the light at the end.
Some people cut their wrists and some give up eating. Some people start drinking and smoking, while some keep running until their legs give in. Others take drugs or stay up all night. And the rest stand in the freezing rain, waiting for all their problems to wash away. If you looking for ways to hurt yourself, let me tell you something. It does not work and it does not help. I've been there and done that. I got few scars and some broken bones. Few colds and endless warnings. But where am I now? Back where it all began.
A solution to this dilemma? I'm on a quest to find it.
And the timing of this 'catastrophe' is not so great either: 13 days before the Maths Exams begins. I cannot even concentrate on one thing for longer then 2 minutes.
As I probably mentioned few times before, something happened within me, not long ago. But as I also mentioned, I knew it will not last forever. Well, as heart-breaking as it sounds, I was right. The peace within my soul; the order of my mind: it's gone. Lost in the past. I'm back to where I started. Square one.
When you are struggling to find a reason to wake up in the morning. When you looking for an 'OFF' button to switch off your mind. When all you want to do is stop thinking and sleeping is the only comfort you ever get (you don't have to think while you're asleep). There is no one beside you. Holding your hand and leading you through the tunnel. To find the light at the end.
Some people cut their wrists and some give up eating. Some people start drinking and smoking, while some keep running until their legs give in. Others take drugs or stay up all night. And the rest stand in the freezing rain, waiting for all their problems to wash away. If you looking for ways to hurt yourself, let me tell you something. It does not work and it does not help. I've been there and done that. I got few scars and some broken bones. Few colds and endless warnings. But where am I now? Back where it all began.
A solution to this dilemma? I'm on a quest to find it.
And the timing of this 'catastrophe' is not so great either: 13 days before the Maths Exams begins. I cannot even concentrate on one thing for longer then 2 minutes.
posted by Canela at
6:09 pm
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